It’s in the works. I am trying to finish it up here but the freaking thing is taking me oodles of time to get right. Hopefully it’s ready to go any day now BOOM POW SPEELONK that’s you being knocked right out of your socks with joy and rugged good looks.
R 2 N S H is in the HHHHOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSE. That’s Roddi 2 Nottie So Hottie is alive and well here in Cow Town. My last three days in Calgary have shown me that the way of life in the movie, “Fubar”, is still kicking strong like Chuck Norris and Jean Claude Van Dam combined. I have seen many a mullet while on my training rides and I really do think they are making a comeback. One fellow in particular had a staircase shaved into the side of his head/mullet. Very nice, how much (registered quote from Borat).
The last write up I did was from a World Cup way back in St Anne Quebec. The following weekend we raced in St Felicien which is so into the heart of Quebec that even at Tim Hortons I had to break out ah fran say. Bon jure, ooon caffay avec ooon soocruh aye ooon cramm, and, ooon doooze grains bagel avec burrr. Usually I received a coke and a turkey sandwich from that order.
The race went off with a bang and I found myself battling it out for a top 80 spot which is great if the race has a million people in it. This one had 93. It was a Britney Spears vs her mom type day for me. If you don’t read the headlines on CNN it’s like this when compared to me, I now have a 100 foot restraining order on my bike. It’s not allowed to come any closer than that or I reserve the right to have it arrested and jailed for non-compliance and we all know what happens in jail. Okay, so I suffered like a fat cat in heat and I had many thoughts of retirement in my mind when the race was over.
This past weekend was a Canada Cup race which was at the worlds best race site of Canmore, Alberta. The course was as good as it gets. The following will help everyone to understand what I’m talking about. This course’s hotness is very much like my rugged good looks. It’s like, chizzled abs, rock hard pecs, stunning square jaw line, humongous round Polish head and GLORIOUS unibrow. It was just that good. At least the downhills were anyway. I tore those things apart like a rich fat kid on Christmas morning. I was like, YES, YYYYEEEAAAAYYY, WOOPADY DOO, sweet, a new Power Wheels Hummer, thanks Santy Clause. R 2 N S H was able to ride uphill like a semi-truck hauling elephant dung and then R 2 H was absolutely smoking fast like Burt Reynolds aka the Bandit. Nobody could even get pictures of me because I was just a blur of United Cycle colors red, white and black. I also made race car noises as I went by. ppbppb, bpbpbpppbbpppp, bpbppbppppbpbbppbbppbbpppbpbbpbp, BPBPBPBPPBPBPPBBPPPBPBBPBPBPBPBBPPBBPBPPBPBPB. Yeah, I’m a 4 speed gearbox. Okay enough, I ended up 8th place and I did float on the downs and lumber wagon the ups. It was okay for how I have felt the past 3 years and I was satisfied with it…..for now. For shame to anyone that was behind me. Ha.
July 21st is Nationals at Mt Washington which is on Vancouver Island right close to Comox/Courtenay. Following nationals is the horribley painful Trans Rockies. 7 days of suffering and pain much like eating stinky Tuna of which I did the other day for the first time and it went okay so that does not make much sense. Maybe its’a sign of things to come for the Trans Rockies.
Now for my big announcement. I’m 99% sure I’m not racing next year, nor will I ride a bike uphill either. I’ll only be riding downhills all the while melting eyes and blowing peoples minds with my free riding skillz with a “Z”. I’m planning on working and getting my pre-requisits for the Champion City firefighters application. After that, in 2009 I believe I’ll be making a return and R 2 H will be like a lazer racer. Don’t look directly at me or you will get burned. Glorious, just GLORIOUS.
Okay hide and seek. Here we go, 1-2-3…. and Roddi has been hiding for the past 3 weeks in a world championship game of hide and seek and yes, he won it. Unfortunately it was a long game and it made his friends bored because they could not read his upbeat web site blog about how great Champion city is and how unfortunate Vancouver is to have the shame of BC, the Canucks (kind of an inside joke but it should make perfect sense).
It has been a pretty tough go for me the past 2 races. I thought I was feeling good after a few days of hard training leading up to the Hardwood Hills Canada Cup. But then in the race I felt horrible and dropped out early like the Canucks in the playoffs. In the days following the race my coach and I rode together and it was obvious that R 2 H had some fatigue in the legs and we tried to give them a bit of rest for the World Cup yesterday at St Anne. Unfortunately I felt the same and was unable to shake the Sedin twins from my mind and I sucked again. I’m quite dissapointed with the past to races and I’m hoping some different training can help me get going again.
10 reasons for not being fast like the wind.
1. I had a stomach issue for the past 2 weeks (Dier Rear).
2. As soon as #1 went away I got a cold.
3. It’s just that time of the month.
4. Baby fat.
5. I have to travel with golden boy Ricky Federau and his positive attitude is pissing me off.
6. I broke one of my high heels.
7. Roomie Stef “Salty Head” Widmer yells in his sleep and it scares my care bear.
8. Tim says, “you must need more coffee”.
9. There is no Fruit Loops in Quebec.
10. Country music
I’m off to the heart of Quebec tomorrow with Ricky and Tim to a place called Saint felicien. There is another World Cup there on Sunday and after that R 2 N S H (Roddi 2 Notti So Hottie) is coming back to Radmonton to prepare for the final Canada Cup in Canmore and then Nationals which are on the island at Mt. Washington. After that it’s the Trans Rockies and everyone better be ready for some serious Oprah marathon on TV while drinking drain-o and eating a smelly tuna fish sandwich and don’t tell me again that the competition just got faster or you may get jersey’d style suffering.
R 2 N S H (for now until futher notice)
MY NAME IS HAWWWWWWT SAAAAUUCCCE. Well, sort of. I have to bring it down a notch. That was supposed to be read like the Kid Rock song, “My Name is Kid Rock”. For those that don’t know the song, don’t worry, it’s not good. I just wanted to start out with a bang. But now I’m way of topic and the Sea Captain says, “Yar, I don’t even know what I’m doin”.
I just got back to a warm and green Champion City and it’s good to be home. It actually feels a little weird being here as I have been on the road for 5 1/2 of the past 6 weeks. I’m here for almost 3 weeks, then I’m gone again for another 2 1/2 week trip to Eastern Canada……again. A lot of francais has been learned by Sauce in this trip. Here is what I can say.
Bonjour – Hello. Merci – Thanks. Do you have a, Baton de Ockay – Do you have a, hockey stick? Je ne pal pah france aye – I can’t speak french.
That’s what I have learned now which makes me very happy. It only took me 1-3 weeks a year over 10 years of racing and travelling in Quebec to learn that much. That’s actually pretty sad. Ca va mal.
The race this week was at Mont Tremblant which is probably one of the best XC courses in the world. Tremblent is like a mini Whisler, and the course goes right up the village main street in front of thousands of topless fans. It also has a smoking fun downhill in it that is great for you know who, Mr Smooth. Some of the racers are painfully slow on these technical types of downhills, all I have to say about that is chew with your mouth closed and you’ll probably ride it better. Smooth.
I got called up to the start line early because I’m really good, so I had a place on the front row of about 12 rows. Then when the gun went, I slipped off my pedal, and caused a big pile up behind me. It was not pretty, I tried to run while on my bike, so yeah huh, I took a couple of ugly Bambi steps then made an attempt to get back on my pedals. SMACK SMACK, that’s the sound of both my feet slipping off the pedals again. BEEP BOOP BEEP, that’s the sounds of R2D2. CLUNK PSSSSSS, that’s the sound of my knee hitting the stem on my bike. Ouuuuch it hurt, so I had to get off my bike and run for a few seconds and then jump on and get going. All that happend in about 10 seconds and I went from a top 5 position to about 70th. After all that Rosie O’Donnel style uglyness I blasted back up to the leaders in about 10 minutes of racing. Pretty good huh. Yes, I think so. The racing continued on and there was a lot of competition as it seemed the winner could be any one of about 10 guys. Hot Sauce rode most of the race in 5th place and then on the last lap I got passed by 2 more guys and ended up in 7th place.
R 2 H (Roddi 2 Hoddi) rocked the rocky downhills like rocky IV, and he ate a bowl of Fruit Loops while doing it. Hah, I actually think everyone should call me R 2 H now, I’m laughing, it’s good. Yes, the race was okay and my beloved coach Tim Heemskerk and I have planned some great legs to come about in a few weeks time……as if they could get any hotter.
This weekend, on Saturday, Kathryn and I are planning to have a huge B-B-Q somewhere in the Edmonton River Valley (TBA) and everyone is invited so spread the word. Then on Sunday we have a smelly road race at Pigeon Lake. It will be full of R 2 H suffering and wheezing as I’m trying to get more and more high end efforts in.
Race notes from Tremlant. Evan “Evan” Sherman, was flying all week, but then the day before the race he got green and sickly. He did a few laps and finally dropped out because his female specific saddle broke under the crushing weight of his make-up bag.
That’s it for me, I’m off to clean my wounds like Minnie the cat. Cough cough, hair ball, Meeow.
R 2 H (my new liscence plate maybe)
Evan was at the race and was floating on the uphills but he cramped repeatedly, much like Pete Sampras in the 5th set of a marathon match. Tennis fans know what I’m talking about. The only difference is that Evan’s cramps were of the menstrual oriented style. Yikes I guess it was bad.
I can only call my race a bad day because last weekend I was rolling along pretty smooth and fast. It’s not really possible to be strong one weekend and then lose all of your fitness by the next. I think my problem this time was that it was rainy and cold all week, thereby not allowing Hot Sauce to get a good, “leg tan”, and then I could not concentrate because my legs were too shiny much like Gretzky’s silver stick that he used in the 90’s to distract lousy goalies. The Great One and myself are quite similar, the only difference between Wayne Greck-Ski and Rotti 2 Hotti, is that my wife is much more lovely.
Okay, that’s it for today. I’m still mad like a grizzly bear that has been sprayed by a skunk, and has a sliver in his nose, and has hemorroids, and who is also mad because he can’t get any good hibernating in, and doesn’t like mushroom soup, and is still most angry about Ryan Smyth being traded, and I probably will be upset for a few more days. If you see Roddi in the next little while, don’t try to feed him any treats or you might get your arm torn right out of it’s socket. PAAAAH LEEZ, be careful.
Allo is like, hello, in QC. Ha ha en francais. I like to say, “Allo” to the cashiers at Quebec grocery stores then when they speak to me in french I give the dear in headlights look and say, “petite francais”, then they hiss at me and I feel no love. It’s okay though, soon I’ll be back in Champion City where we greet each other with Stanley Cups.
Yesterday was the first Canada Cup race of the year and it was deep in the heartland of Quebec. On friday I flew from home to Montreal, then Cory Wallace, Brian Bain and I rented a smart car and we drove 4 hours to the race site at Bai Saint Paul. Quick note, every time we show up at a car rental booth with all our bikes and gear the salesman always says, “you need a bigger car, there is no way that will fit. And, you look goooood, mmmm.” Then we procede to Tetris pack everything in the auto and get to level 10 which is good for over 200,000 points. Tetris players know what I’m talking about. I’m at the point now that the next time a car rental guy says we can’t do it they are going to politely receive an Alberta handshake (fight) which goes like this. BOOM, POW, plop, Edmonton wins…. again. It was a long day but the drive felt short because I spent it telling Cory and Brian how good I am at riding smooth and how they are not good at being smooth. I believe that everything you do should be smooth and flowing. Comb your hair smooth, brush your teeth smooth, eat your cereal smooth (NO CLANKING THE BOWL), chew your food smooth (QUIET, no SMACKING), buckle your seatbelt smooth, read smooth, watch TV, look smooth and you will be a smooth bike rider like Roddi 2 Hotti.
The race went okay for me. I now can say that I for sure have some legs under me. Fat and hot they are, and faster yet they are getting. I had plans of being at the front of the race and yes, I led the first lap in a group of 3. It was the first time in a very, very long time that I have led a Canada Cup race and it felt great being at the front and riding in style. However, it did not last long as I found myself having some trouble keeping up with the 2 other guys in my group, Raf Gagne and Benoit Simard. They were giving it all they had and suffering big time like when I have to listen to Celine Dione on the radio here in QC. Man, they were going fast on the short steep climbs. All I could do was ride smooth, which I can do because I sleep smooth, and watch them slowly ride away. It was a tough one but it’s okay because this is the first Canada Cup of the year and last year at this point I was handsome, but smelled of rancid cottage cheese and rode with as much power as Queen Elizabeth II. OOOohh, I better watch my back now. Smoothly. Okay, I finished 4th in the race and I felt pretty good. I’m looking for some really, hot like my multi-grain buns, results all season long, especially in June and July when we get serious with the biggest races of the year.
Today I’m in Bromont and we are staying here at Walt’s cabin. He is the guy that owns the place, and a few years back I wore his, clean, underwear. By accident, or on purpose, you decide. The story is an old one and in case you have not heard it, too bad. Nah, Actually someday I’ll update this site with my old writings and it will all be clear.
The next race is on Saturday here in Bromont and it’s going to be a competitive one because most of Canada’s best, and some drastically fast US riders are going to be here. Wish good luck to Hot Sauce because he will need it.
Remember, no clanking your bowl, chew smooth and quiet, and you to will ride the rough stuff like someone I know and love very much.
Roddi, up, up and away…………………waaayyy too much
Today I’m going to write a quick short track update.
It was hot, sandy, windy, and a somewhat fun course. On part of the course we actually went up the 4 cross (which I’m thinking we should be going down because that’s what it was made for and I could show everyone my free ride skillz which is so bad ass that I spelled it skills with a Z, WHOOP WHOOP) which had a few jumps in it but I was so tired that I couldn’t even hit them, for shame. Hot Sauce got a good start and was sitting around 10th or so in the super stacked field on the first 2 laps. Then most of the dusty, painful race he was in a group that was in 12th-16th and was sitting some what comfortable except he kept getting dropped on the short climb. Then after all that excitement the race finished and Roddi was in 16th place and he was very glad it was over. There was times when he could have ridden smarter and moved up to the group that was very close in front and that would have been swell, because a top 10 would have been accomplished, but poop, he was not smrt enough.
After the race I went and played tennis with the family that was coddling me for the week, the Landis’. It was joyfully fun and I got worked big time by the Landis father, Ken. He is after all, a full on tennis player from back in the day and when he was serving it was 100% not possible to even return it. I regained my pride by sending his flesh and blood, Steve, to the local La Senza for a new set of panties. 6-2 was the score in the set and steve did feel shame. I had a great time playing tennis and loafing with the Landis family this week. Thanks going out to Irma, Ken and Steve aka Stefanie “Panties” Landis.
Tonight I head to the .5 star Motel 6 for the night so I can avoid the LA rush hour traffic before my flight home to Champion City. On Friday I fly east to Montreal for the start of the Canada Cups and I’m really looking forward to some brilliant results. Check the results you will all be overwelmed with love for your beloved Hot Sauce.