Bungmont

Well, some not so great news.  The Bromont Canada Cup was yesterday and it was not a good day for Champion City.  Roddi had a rough day and his new, fast legs, were broken and didn’t work worth a poop. 

Evan was at the race and was floating on the uphills but he cramped repeatedly, much like Pete Sampras in the 5th set of a marathon match.  Tennis fans know what I’m talking about.  The only difference is that Evan’s cramps were of the menstrual oriented style.  Yikes I guess it was bad.

I can only call my race a bad day because last weekend I was rolling along pretty smooth and fast.  It’s not really possible to be strong one weekend and then lose all of your fitness by the next.  I think my problem this time was that it was rainy and cold all week, thereby not allowing Hot Sauce to get a good, “leg tan”, and then I could not concentrate because my legs were too shiny much like Gretzky’s silver stick that he used in the 90’s to distract lousy goalies.  The Great One and myself are quite similar, the only difference between Wayne Greck-Ski and Rotti 2 Hotti, is that my wife is much more lovely. 

Okay, that’s it for today.  I’m still mad like a grizzly bear that has been sprayed by a skunk, and has a sliver in his nose, and has hemorroids, and who is also mad because he can’t get any good hibernating in, and doesn’t like mushroom soup, and is still most angry about Ryan Smyth being traded, and I probably will be upset for a few more days.  If you see Roddi in the next little while, don’t try to feed him any treats or you might get your arm torn right out of it’s socket.  PAAAAH LEEZ, be careful. 

Meow

Canader Cup 1

Allo from Quebec,

 Allo is like, hello, in QC.  Ha ha en francais.  I like to say, “Allo” to the cashiers at Quebec grocery stores then when they speak to me in french I give the dear in headlights look and say, “petite francais”, then they hiss at me and I feel no love.  It’s okay though, soon I’ll be back in Champion City where we greet each other with Stanley Cups. 

Yesterday was the first Canada Cup race of the year and it was deep in the heartland of Quebec.  On friday I flew from home to Montreal, then Cory Wallace, Brian Bain and I rented a smart car and we drove 4 hours to the race site at Bai Saint Paul.  Quick note, every time we show up at a car rental booth with all our bikes and gear the salesman always says, “you need a bigger car, there is no way that will fit.  And, you look goooood, mmmm.”  Then we procede to Tetris pack everything in the auto and get to level 10 which is good for over 200,000 points. Tetris players know what I’m talking about.  I’m at the point now that the next time a car rental guy says we can’t do it they are going to politely receive an Alberta handshake (fight) which goes like this.  BOOM, POW, plop, Edmonton wins…. again.  It was a long day but the drive felt short because I spent it telling Cory and Brian how good I am at riding smooth and how they are not good at being smooth.  I believe that everything you do should be smooth and flowing.  Comb your hair smooth, brush your teeth smooth, eat your cereal smooth (NO CLANKING THE BOWL), chew your food smooth (QUIET, no SMACKING), buckle your seatbelt smooth, read smooth, watch TV, look smooth and you will be a smooth bike rider like Roddi 2 Hotti. 

The race went okay for me.  I now can say that I for sure have some legs under me.  Fat and hot they are, and faster yet they are getting.  I had plans of being at the front of the race and yes, I led the first lap in a group of 3.  It was the first time in a very, very long time that I have led a Canada Cup race and it felt great being at the front and riding in style.  However, it did not last long as I found myself having some trouble keeping up with the 2 other guys in my group, Raf Gagne and Benoit Simard.  They were giving it all they had and suffering big time like when I have to listen to Celine Dione on the radio here in QC.  Man, they were going fast on the short steep climbs.  All I could do was ride smooth, which I can do because I sleep smooth, and watch them slowly ride away.  It was a tough one but it’s okay because this is the first Canada Cup of the year and last year at this point I was handsome, but smelled of rancid cottage cheese and rode with as much power as Queen Elizabeth II.  OOOohh, I better watch my back now.   Smoothly.  Okay, I finished 4th in the race and I felt pretty good.  I’m looking for some really, hot like my multi-grain buns, results all season long, especially in June and July when we get serious with the biggest races of the year. 

Today I’m in Bromont and we are staying here at Walt’s cabin.  He is the guy that owns the place, and a few years back I wore his, clean, underwear.  By accident, or on purpose, you decide.  The story is an old one and in case you have not heard it, too bad.  Nah, Actually someday I’ll update this site with my old writings and it will all be clear. 

The next race is on Saturday here in Bromont and it’s going to be a competitive one because most of Canada’s best, and some drastically fast US riders are going to be here.  Wish good luck to Hot Sauce because he will need it.

 Remember, no clanking your bowl, chew smooth and quiet, and you to will ride the rough stuff like someone I know and love very much. 

 Roddi, up, up and away…………………waaayyy too much

Hot Dog ST

Hot dog hello again you all,

 Today I’m going to write a quick short track update. 

 It was hot, sandy, windy, and a somewhat fun course.  On part of the course we actually went up the 4 cross (which I’m thinking we should be going down because that’s what it was made for and I could show everyone my free ride skillz which is so bad ass that I spelled it skills with a Z, WHOOP  WHOOP) which had a few jumps in it but I was so tired that I couldn’t even hit them, for shame.  Hot Sauce got a good start and was sitting around 10th or so in the super stacked field on the first 2 laps.  Then most of the dusty, painful race he was in a group that was in 12th-16th and was sitting some what comfortable except he kept getting dropped on the short climb.  Then after all that excitement the race finished and Roddi was in 16th place and he was very glad it was over.  There was times when he could have ridden smarter and moved up to the group that was very close in front and that would have been swell, because a top 10 would have been accomplished, but poop, he was not smrt enough. 

 After the race I went and played tennis with the family that was coddling me for the week, the Landis’.  It was joyfully fun and I got worked big time by the Landis father, Ken.  He is after all, a full on tennis player from back in the day and when he was serving it was 100% not possible to even return it.  I regained my pride by sending his flesh and blood, Steve, to the local La Senza for a new set of panties.  6-2 was the score in the set and steve did feel shame.  I had a great time playing tennis and loafing with the Landis family this week.  Thanks going out to Irma, Ken and Steve aka Stefanie “Panties” Landis.

 Tonight I head to the .5 star Motel 6 for the night so I can avoid the LA rush hour traffic before my flight home to Champion City.  On Friday I fly east to Montreal for the start of the Canada Cups and I’m really looking forward to some brilliant results.  Check the results you will all be overwelmed with love for your beloved Hot Sauce.

 Good evening

Fontana NORBA

MAKE SOME NOOOIIIISE,

 BOOOOOOOP BBBBEEEEEEEEPPP, BOOOOOOOP BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPP.  I raced another NORBA (NMBS) XC yesterday in Fontana, California and wah wee wah wah, what a rollercoaster of emotions for Hot Sauce. 

 I had plans of a great result today as I got in perfect riding the past few days in southern California.  Rides that were so good they make you want to make sweet, sweet , joke here edited by the FCC.  Yes, the riding was excellent!

 The race, it went really, really well for about 15 minutes as I had plans of a top 10 in my wee brain.  I started fast and what I thought was in control, and I was in 7th place with some drastically fast guys behind me.  Then, I held my postition for about 15 minutes and my legs started to clog up with Big Mack secret sauce.  It was painful and looking back I was going way too hard for my untrained high intensity hot body.  I was thinking, “why is my heart rate in the 190’s, that’s wierd, it must be the heat”.  Then I blew up which is the cycling term for large scale Oprah style suffering and sucking wind and going backwards.  I went in super slow motion for about 20 mins then I tried to quit but I was at about the farthest point on the course from the start/finish line.  So then, I tried to turn around and ride the course backwards to a road that I could go home on, but there was too many guys, so I sat there and cried, ”WHY, WHY ME, WHYYYYYY MEEEEEE.  BAAAAHHH  AHHHHHHHH WWEEEEEEEE AAAAHHHHHH, sniffle, snort, weeze, wind it up, BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH”,  for 5 minutes and everyone went by.  Then, once I was in last and about 100th place, for some reason I decided to keep racing.  I limped into the feed zone, got some wah wah, and much much needed chain lube as my chain was dry and screaming at me, “SUCK, EEE AAA, SUCK EEE AAAH, SUCK SQUEEK EEE AAAH.  Then I kick started my scooter and wow, It was like the grand prince of chocolate riding his stallion.  It was glorious, just GLORIOUS.  What a difference 40  minutes of racing can make.  Then hotty (Roddi) passed suckas like they were standing still and went from last place to finish 32nd in about an hour of racing.  yay.

 That’s my story, it’s pretty crappy today but that’s just way it goes.  I’m actually okay with it because for a while there I thought it was my legs from the last 2 years coming back to make me suck Britney Spears shaved head and all style.  But in the end I was very strong, garlic style, it’s just that I got too excited and went ludacrous speed when I heard they were handing out fudge at the finish line.

 Now, up for today, my much loved short track.  It will be very dusty and I hope to make it out with all of my limbs. 

Bye E

SoCal

Hi everybody,

I’m still looking good here in southern California as I just finished a NORBA short track on Saturday and a cross-country on Sunday. I stayed with fellow Canadian Tire employee’s Mical Dyck, Catharine Pendrel, and Matt Hadley. We passed the time relaxing in our kitchenette hotel room with no light and over the 3 days there was plenty of lounging to be had.  Blessed were we with HBO and spend time we did watching movies like “Joe Dirt” and “The Canucks Wear Night Gowns to Bed” which were excellent fun.

Both of the races went strangely okay with your beloved Hot Sauce finishing 13th in each one.

The short track was very exciting. Here is what you can do while reading this to know how it felt. First turn on your vacuum. Ready, 3-2-1, run as hard as you can for 30 minutes until your heart rate hits 200, almost puke, run harder, then puke, then keep running, now take your vacuum and put your head inside the dust bag, done. That’s it bang on. I was 13th and I felt okay but I was not able to keep up with the lead group because they were faster than me. Ha. I was satisfied with the result because I hate short tracks and I pretty much do them for the sun tan. It was really, really dusty by the way.

The XC was another tough one as it was scorching hot, which made me suffer more than the others because I have still got a thick layer of whale blubber from my winter at home with Santa. It was also drasticaly windy which means it was extremely windy. This made the day a tough one because racers were forced to group together to stay out of the drastic wind. The start was pretty hard for a soft ice cream cone like me and I was unable to get in with the top 10. I rode most of the race in 15th-18th with a group of 4 or 5 and then I dropped those suckas on the last lap. I ended up catching 2 blown up (Calgary Flames) guys from one of the groups in front of us and as I passed them a spectator said, “WOW, look at that fatty go!” It must have been embarrasing for the other riders to have been beat by a Big Mac, large fries and a Coke. So yes, I finished 13th and I’m okay with it. The race course, although fun, was not to my liking as there was nothing technical in it and we all know how Hot Sauce needs his rocks in order to rock out.

Next weeks race is a little bit better as I’m off to another NORBA in the LA suberbs of Fontana. This week I’m staying at a friends house just north of San Diego. It will be good times as there is great riding around here. That’s it for tonight, I feel my baby kicking in my stomach (make poopy).

Good evening from San Diego

P.S. I found out today from “The Man” Brys Francis at United Cycle that Ricky Federau and I are in for the Trans-Rockies. That’s great news as we are probably the last entry to get in and we are going to be ripping fast for the 7 day epic mountain bike race. Hoo Aaah. Thanks Brys for all your work.

Eye of the Tiger

Hoo Ahh,

 Yeeeuuuuuup, It happend again this weekend…………………….I got hotter.  Hoo Ahh Pretty soon all my fans are going to need welding goggles just to watch me race.   My looks combined with my new legs are now beyond breathtaking as a fan at our Alberta Cup race in Lethbridge was quoted today, “Seeing Roddi ride is like watching an eagle soar high above the Himalayas.  Beautiful, just beautiful.  aaaaah AAAAAAH, aaaaaaah AAAAAAAAH”.

Roddi’s week started out really, really bad as he had to battle with a wicked case of stomach flu or maybe food poisoning.  We’ll never know what it was but the bathroom will never be the same and now the shower curtain needs to be washed.  Yes, I’m serious.  But I bet you are thinking the dirty shower curtain is from the green apple splatters.  Well, it’s actually from projectile vomit.  It got pretty bad and I think Kathryn was worried and thought I should go to the hospital.  After about 24 hours of gut stabbing pain I was feeling better and I was back taking pictures of myself in no time.

Once I was back to normal I was lucky enough to get to head to work with Pappy.  It was excellent fun as on Thursday I got to move about 5000 lbs of renovation garbage into a dumpster.  Yay!  The best part was carrying the dirty, poopy 50 year old toilet and smashing it on the dumpsters hard metal floor.  After all the crappy times at work I headed off for 3.5 hrs of road riding in the zero degree rain/snow mix.  It was about as good of a day as it can get.  Um, nahhh, it sucked pretty bad apples.

 Back to my exciting race updating.  Yesterday was the first Alberta Cup of the year.  It was in Lethbridge and the course was made so steep and so difficult in order to try to get all of the competitors to quite XC racing forever, of which I think they succeded with some kids.  I felt bad for alot of the racers out there as I passed them, but I was still nice to them as I passed.  I would say motivational things like, “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, RODDI LEGA IS COMING THROUGH, MOVE MOVE MOVE SUCKA”, or “YOU JUST AREN’T THAT GOOD ARE YOU?  YOU SHOULD TRY CURLING OR SOMETHING, MOVE MOVE MOVE SUCKA”.  Then I say Thank you very much sir/miss.  What probably de-motivated my elite competitors the most was the time that I did a back flip off of one of the “super steep” hills.  The rest of the guys were walking and scrambling just to get up, and I launched it like a young Tony Hawk with 80’s hair and a flourescent pink T-shirt.  Hiiya!  So……………I’m getting to it.  I won the race and it made Roddi very, very, very happy because he has not won a race in 2.5 years.  This is just the beginning.  It’s all going down now.  It’s on.  I’m bringin’ it.  When I went through the flat and straight stretch, the spectators actually had to turn their heads as I passed or else they would only see a blur of my red and black United Cycle colors.  Just like an F-1 car.  Actually not many people know this, but I wear my helmet low on my eyebrows for a very good reason.  Placing it there, makes the rear of the helmet angle up much like the spoiler on an F-1 car.  This comes in very helpful when I get to speeds in excess of 200km/hr.  It keeps my wheels glued to the ground and legend has it that Roddi was once seen riding a tunnel at 100km/hr completely upside-down.  That’s just how much downforce a fast bastard like myself can generate.

 Whew!  Okay that’s enough of that for now.  I’ll keep you all posted with my steam rolling momentum.  The next 2 weekends are both stacked field NORBA races in the LA area.  The courses suck big time as they are built for 3 year old kids and roadies just learning to ride their mountain bike without training wheels, so I will have to make the best of it.

Stay hot and cocky out there

The Past Week

Summer time

Woah this past week was supposed to be a rest week so my employer/pappy decided he would work me to death.  It was something like building the railroad across BC.  That’s pretty much how I felt.  Just horrible pain and unsafe working conditions.  We put down laminate flooring and baseboard trims and the standing/kneeling was unrelenting.  Wow, I may start my own union with myself and demand 2 hr work days instead of the grueling 4-5 hour days we are at right now. 

 I had a few training rides this week and they were extremely boring and there is next to nothing to tell you all about.  I’m feeling great and getting cockier by each passing day.  Just ask some of my friends and they’ll agree.   “Roddi is pretty much the best bike handler ever”, and, “did you see him jump over that house?”, are two commonly heard quotes these days.  Here is another example of how funny I am.  Today I was doing a recovery ride with a friend of mine and my babe, Kathryn, and I just so happend to be doing a, “wheelie” for about 400 meters.  I passed a family of four, two boys and then husband and wife.  As I wheelied passed I said, “I’m pretty good huh”.  That’s just the way I roll these days. 

Next weekend is the first Alberta Cup race of the year.  I’m looking forward to it as it’s my first XC race in Alberta in a very long time.  I think it’s over 2 years actually. 

 A note about my new Trek 9.9 Top Fuel XC race bike.  It’s just amazing.  It’s for sure the nicest bike I have ever ridden, by far.  The thing handles like a go cart in the corners, sprints like Ben Johnson (on drugs), and soaks up the bumps like Kelly Buckberger’s face.  I loved Bucky, he did it all and had the best work ethic of anyone, he just took a lot of punches to the mellon because he had to do the tough guys job for them.  Too bad for him, but my new bike rides like a ninja.  WWwwwwwooooooosh, plop!

Bye E

Aye Eh Back Home

Yellow,

Well, I’m back home and settled in for a few weeks of cold arse riding and some classic Canadian spring seal clubbing.  This past week I rested up and practiced my pre natal breathing in prep for the 3 massive Easter dinners I had.  I’m looking about 8 months along now, just about ready to pop at any second.  HOO HOO HE,  HOO HOO HE.  OOOOUUUUUUWWWW!

 I had a regular, boring week of training until today.  Our ride today was supposed to be a road loop with some fun group sprints but unfortunately I had to cut it short and I was only able to do 1 sprint with the group, which I lost to Evan “tree trunks” Sherman.  After the sprint I had to turn around and book it home for my first of two, 10lb meals of Cadburry’s Cream Eggs.  At the 7lb point I just cracked open the chocolate shells and spooned out the cream egg filling.  I’m a hard core junkaholic.  I need my junkahol.

Next week is a rest week and I’ll be working a few hours with my big Pappa doing some renovations.  Kathryn and I will also be replacing the carpet in our appartment with classy fake hardwood, and after that I’ll be busy carving out an ass imprint on our new couch, while watching movies.  Dang, after this rest week I’m going to be one hot, and fast “swear word”.  I love it!

 Good day to all you lega lovers

Race Season ‘07 begins

HIYAH, 

 Wow! the race season started out well.  I just finished up my first race which also happened to be the first major race of the 2007 year.  It was the first of six (I think) of the NORBA national series.  These are the most competitive in North America.  The list of racers is filled with past and future olympians. 

 We raced in the dessert just outside of Scottsdale, AZ which for those about to rock, is a suberb of Phoenix, we salute you.  Saturday was the short track which is a race for spectators as it’s about 20 minutes long, is super fast and is pretty much filled with crashes, stabbings and unnecessary suffering.  I started waaaaayyyy at the back of the line-up and moved up each lap.  It was a great first race for me as I passed shattered (sucking) guys for the whole 20 minutes.  Other than the first 30 seconds of battling for position, nobody went by me.  Maybe it was the V8 I drank, or maybe it was the horrible gas that V8 makes me release, or maybe it was that I was strong.  Probably a bit of all 3.  This was the first sign of good legs in 2 years.  Very nice! (Borat)

Sunday was the real deal, the cross country race.  It was blazing hot at about 32 celcius.  Coming from Champion City makes this 32c feel more like riding on the sun when compared to our temperatures.  It was too hot for a ham like me.  But I couldn’t forget, I’m a hot ham, so put my head down and suffered like a pig being roasted on a spit.  Oh it was painful.  I got a horrible start and found myself in about 60th place after the first 100 meters.  Slowly I moved up the field and by the days end I was in 17th place.  This made me freaking happy because I got a bad start, flatted a tire, and had cramping for over an hour.  Wah-Wah-We-Wah, that was great especially to be so close to all the XC super stars even after my bad luck.  It’s just the beginning of the season and I was riding in minus 20 celcius just a few weeks ago.  My legs seem to be back, and my plan of a miraculous comeback seems to be right on track.

 Now, this post is lacking in humor because I just got home from phoenix and I’m cranky and tired.  I almost missed both, my origional flight from Phoenix, and my connecting flight from Calgary.  It was a stressful day.  They also lost my bike and luggage.  Then for a moment I was delighted when my Air Canada jet had the new TV’s in the back of the seats.  One problem though, they are touch screen.  Oooooh, not the best idea.  I had a nice old grandpa behind me and he thought that ,”touch screen” meant, “piledrive” screen.  It felt like I was in a massage chair.  Bang, Bang, Bang.  Cripes it was annoying.  But wait, I’m fast again.  All is well.  That’s it for tonight.

 Good evening